Things I'm Scared to tell You

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I'm gonna admit something straight away here. I sent this to my email subscribers a couple of weeks ago, because.....well, I was scared to share something and my loyal newsletter crew are who I go to first. I send a bit of a personal letter to my email subsribers every other week. No blog post updates or spam, just a few musings from me. Anyway, I wanted to share it with everyone, because that's what I do right? I am an oversharer......and if you are reading this blog, you deserve teh truth from me. SO deep breath, here goes.

I've been feeling a little strange over the past few weeks, and I haven't been able to put my finger on exactly why. I've been trying to practice daily yoga, and in doing so I've come to a bit of a realisation.

I've been scared to tell you something.

Well, actually I've been scared to tell you LOTS of things!

I'm pretty open and honest on my blog, which you'll know from posts like this one about my wedding regrets, or this about living with anxiety. But even I draw the line somewhere and sometimes that's not entirely honest of me.

Which all sounds a lot more sinister than it actually is. Have you ever felt as though you're putting a brave face on things, or that you are playing down something you're super proud of, or even that you just don't want to go out to that party tonight?

But you're too scared to tell the truth.

Well, that's kind of how I feel about a few things at the moment. And I've felt scared to share it. On the blog, on Instagram.....and even to some of my friends!

I've been inspired by Jen Carrington, who uses her amazing weekly letters to her email subscribers to get a little vulnerable and I want to share a few things with you.

So here goes......

I'm Vegan (again!)

This is always a contentious topic because people have so many opinions about why, and if, you should eat certain things. I don't know if you're a meat eater, vegetarian, someone who eats everything apart from cheese....or a hardcore Haribo lover, but I'm sure at some point or another you'll have been asked to justify your diet.

And when you're plant-based, it's even more pronounced. I guess I've also been a little worried to make myself accountable, in case I 'fail' and eat my nearest branch of McDonald's out of Big Macs.

But there you have it. I'm making myself accountable to you my friend. I am a vegan. I'll trip up sometimes, but I'm trying.

I want to go back to work

I found motherhood quite simple and joyful at first, even the lack of sleep. But as Anaïs has grown, she's become more challenging and I've realised I want to go back to work.

I don't need to go back to work to earn money( because childcare is so expensive it would wipe out the benefit anyway), but I want to.

And I'm really scared I won't be able to. We don't have free childcare available to us as, like many Londoners, we don't live near family. And childcare is eye-wateringly expensive too.

So that's a conundrum I'm battling with at the moment. I don't yet have the answer to it but here's hoping it'll sort itself out.

I wish I was a full-time blogger

I know I am incredibly lucky to do the job I do. Before I went on maternity leave I earned a great income through freelance journalism and got some amazing opportunities too, as travel is my specialty.

I also got to blog like no one was reading, as it were. Which, I think, meant I didn't have to try and didn't have to worry about failing.

But you know what? I'd love it if my full-time job was working on my blog.

Yes, I'd love to supplement that by coaching amazing clients and I'd still like to be able to write for cool publications but I'd love to have full creative control.

There you have it. A few scary things from me to you. Promise you won't judge?!

What are you scared to tell people? Be brave and let me know.

L x